Pokemon Fight Back

Well, like I said. The story thus far had too much gore. That's right. Too much gore. So I did what any good writer would do. Cram some cheese into the equation, which directly subtracts the gore levels (which were exceeding safe limits). Now that this cheese has weighted down the gore, there's room for more on top. The story was spiraling into nothingness before. The cheese lifted it from this spiral (to start on a new spiral, but that's a good thing). So without further ado, I give you cheese... I mean gore... yeah gore. That's the one.

Chapter 23: The Hunt Begins

Upon waking up, Eric felt about a hundred times better than he had before. So much crap had piled up in his mind the past couple days. Then again, there's nothing like a stabbing to drain the crap from the brain. Crawling out of bed, he heard the general noise outside was moreso than usual. Quickly getting dressed, Eric grabbed his bag and wandered into the main level. Jane was already down there, standing by the door.

"What's up?", asked Eric.

"Did you know what was in this town?", asked Jane.

"Not as such.", replied Eric. "It was 11:00 at night. I don't think well at that time."

"There's a safari game in this city.", said Jane. "AND a zoo."

"Sweet.", replied Eric. "I might just stay here for a while."

"Yeah.", said Jane. "That's why it's busy as hell right now outside. Rumour has it there's a secret in the safari where you can get a free HM."

"Damn.", said Eric. "Those things are hard to find."

"Which?", asked Jane, smiling. "HM's or secret safari locations?"

"A little from column A, a little from column B.", replied Eric. "But first things first."

"What's first?", asked Jane, curiously.

"I have a gym to waste.", replied Eric. "You wanna come with?"

"Don't mind if I do.", said Jane.

With that they left the pokecenter. They didn't need to wander that far, since it would appear that the gym was right next to the pokecenter. Upon wandering in, they saw some random people, and some vaguely translucent-looking walls. Eric walked up to one of them and pounded his fist on it. It was indeed solid, but he could sort of see through it.

"Strange.", said Eric. "That's not right."

"Indeed strange.", replied Jane.

Wandering to the side, one of the trainers saw them and walked up.

"You have gotten this far, but you will get no further.", said the trainer.

"Wanna bet?", said Eric, pulling out Juggernaut's pokeball.

"SNOOOR.", said Juggernaut, exiting the pokeball and taking up most of the hallway.

"Daaaammmnn.", said the trainer. "Now THAT'S a big Pokemon."

"Roll that way.", said Eric, pointing towards the trainer.

"ACK!", said the trainer, taking several steps back. As Juggernaut rolled onward, he came to a very sudden halt about two feet from the trainer. Juggernaut pulled back in pain. As he rolled away, what was in the way was a now horribly bent, but still translucent section of wall blocking half of the hallway.

"Dog gonnit.", said Eric. "I should see if I can lay waste to this place."

"My turn.", said the trainer, pulling out a pokeball. "Alakazam! Destroy that Pokemon."

"Kazammm...", said Alakazam, blasting a strong psychic wave towards Juggernaut. Juggernaut rolled back from the hit, slamming into yet another corner, causing him even more harm.

"Damnit!", said Eric. "He's TOO fucking big. He'll kill himself in here. Back I say, back. Quake... do something bad to that asshole."

"Nidor!", said Quake, whipping a mess of rocks towards the Alakazam. The Alakazam fell back a bit, then seemed to shine for a moment. When he was done, the damage was healed.

"Damnit again.", said Eric. "Fine. Forsaken, do to this what you did to Juggernaut a while ago."

Eric pulled Quake back into the pokeball and released Forsaken at the same time. Forsaken stared deeply into Alakazam's eyes. Alakazam just stood there, basically ignoring Forsaken. Then it suddenly blasted more psychic energy at Forsaken, knocking him back against the wall, unconscious.

"You can not defeat me.", said the trainer. "I will crush your Pokemon."

"Ok, fuck this for now.", said Eric, pulling Forsaken back in and backing away. "I'll be back. Don't you worry. I'll be back."

"I'm hoping you will.", said the trainer as Eric turned around and left.

Upon exiting the gym, Eric once again headed straight for the pokecenter to heal his crew.

"Damn. You was wasted.", said Jane.

"I just need to find another strategy to get around that fucking psychic Pokemon.", said Eric. "To start with, I'm going to train a bit in that safari."

Wandering over to the safari, they saw many strange Pokemon in the zoo area on the way. Slowing down to look at the strange ones, they went through the gates, where they were asked for 500 bucks to continue inward. *

"Damn. That's kinda steep.", said Eric.

"Well, we ARE letting you keep the Pokemon you capture.", said the attendant.

"Fine.", said Eric, pulling out his wallet. "But I'll lay waste to the others."

"You can't use your Pokemon to attack in here.", said the attendant. "You use special pokeballs to capture the Pokemon, and you can't attack them with another Pokemon."

"Oh, that's fucking beautiful.", said Eric. "How much are these special balls?"

"You get them free... after the 500 dollar entry fee.", replied the attendant.

"Well, that's a bonus at least.", said Eric, putting the 500 dollars down on the table.

"What about you?", asked the attendant, looking at Jane.

"Ahhh, put me down for 30 fancy-ass balls too.", replied Jane, digging around in her pockets for money.

"Thank you, and have fun.", said the attendant, handing over the pokeballs. "But remember, you can only take 500 steps each."

"WHAT!?!", shouted Eric. "What the fuck is this about?"

"It's on the poster outside this building.", replied the attendant. "No refunds."

"And what if I take more?", asked Eric.

"The special pokeballs monitor how many times they feel the vibration of a footstep.", started the attendant. "At 500, they alert our security guard, Clyde, who will come and escort you out."

"Fuck you.", said Eric, punching the attendant in the stomach as hard as he could.

"Ugh.", said the attendant, falling to the floor. At this point, Eric took this opportunity to kick the attendant in the ribs.

"AGH!", said the attendant, rolling away.

"That's for being a jackass.", said Eric, walking out into the safari.

As they began to walk... slowly... so Eric could take really big steps and count them, they saw what appeared to be a Paras walking by.

"You want 'im?", asked Jane.

"Fuck that.", said Eric, looking at the brochure he got from the attendants desk on the way out. "But according to this, I'm allowed to throw rocks at them to make them easier to catch."

"Interesting.", said Jane, carefully bending down to pick up a stone. Eric did the same. Both of them whipped the rocks at Paras. Jane's hit... Eric's missed. The Paras just took off, kinda limping from the hit.

"This could be fun.", said Eric, grabbing a big rock for next time.

Walking onward, they saw something saying 'area 2'. Shrugging, they entered through the gate in the fencing. Upon walking through to the other side, they saw that it was almost the exact same, except there was a bridge up ahead.

"Well, this is a good waste of money.", said Eric, hopping forward in big steps.

"I'm going to have to agree that this pretty pathetic for 500 bucks.", said Jane. "What's the count at?"

"51... 52... 53...", counted Eric as he stepped forwards.

"Only?", asked Jane. "We'll get pretty damn far this way."

"Who knows how big this place...", started Eric, about to take another step. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw some slight movement.

"What?", asked Jane.

"Shhh...", shushed Eric. "We have a visitor."

Listening silently for a moment, Eric heard a slight rustle to the left of him. Turning in that direction, a baby Kangaskhan crawled out from behind a bush.

"Awww, said Jane. "Isn't he cute?"

"Yeah.", said Eric pulling his arm back and whipping his rock directly at the Kangaskhan. The rock nailed it directly in the knee, causing it to crumple to the ground.

"KANG!", shouted the baby Kangaskhan.

"ERIC!", shouted Jane. "He's just a small one."

"It's perfectly legal according to the brochure.", said Eric, whipping another rock at the Kangaskhan's head. The rock cracked open it's skull, leaving his brains to ooze onto the ground.

"I think that counts as a 'faint'", said Eric, grabbing a big, pointy rock for the next one.

Suddenly, as he turned towards the path, the mother Kangaskhan walked in front of their path.

"Oh, I'm gonna pay for that one.", said Eric, backing off (with fairly large steps still).

"KAAANNNGGG!", screamed the Kangaskhan, swinging its large paw towards Eric, nailing him directly in the chest, scratching him deeply.

"DAMNIT!", shouted Eric. "Hasn't that area had enough damage?"

"Kangas-KANG!", shouted the Kangaskhan again, punching directly towards Eric.

Eric, in fear, held his arms futilely in front of him. The Kangaskhan's punch pushed him back a bit, but seemed to not hurt. Opening his eyes again, he noticed the Kangaskhan reeling back in pain. Looking at his arms, he noticed that he was still holding the rock, which now had one of its edges covered in blood.

"You like that?", asked Eric, heading towards the Kangaskhan. "Plenty more where that came from."

"KANG!", screeched Kangaskhan, swinging towards Eric with its other paw. Eric dodged to the side and swung his rock into the side of the Kangaskhan's arm, bending it at a sharp, unusual angle.

"KAAAHHHH!", screamed the Kangaskhan, trying to run away.

"Oh no ya don't!", said Eric, heaving his rock at the fleeing Kangaskhan. It hit the Kangaskhan in the back of the head, knocking it to the ground. As it tried to stand again, Eric lunged on its back.

"You like that?", said Eric, picking up his rock again. "Scratch me, you fucker, and I'll scratch you."

At that point, Eric swung the rock down onto the head of the Kangaskhan once again, knocking it to the ground. And once again, it attempted to stand up. Eric countered this by clubbing it over the head again.

"Kaaaaannnnggggg!", said the Kangaskhan, barely able to move.

"DIE, DIE, DIE!", shouted Eric, clubbing the Kangaskhan over the head repeatedly. Finally, the rock smashed through the back of its hard skull, splattering brain all over Eric. Taking this into account, Eric now swung the rock out to the side and into the side of the Kangaskhan's head, hitting it directly below the eye. Its cheekbone crushed inwards, allowing a pool of blood to form under its head. The eye shoved upwards, squeezing against the top of the socket and finally popping in a spray of clear liquid.

"That'll teach that piece of shit to hurt me.", said Eric dropping his rock.

"Jesus Christ man, you look like shit.", said Jane, finally deciding it was safe enough to get close to the battle.

Eric wiped his hand over his face, wiping some paste-like brain matter onto his hand. Licking the bit on the tip of his finger, he splattered the rest onto the ground.

"Mmmm.... kangy.", said Eric, licking his lips.

"At least have the decency to cook it or something.", said Jane, tapping the baby Kangaskhan with her foot, seeing if it would move. "And how the hell do you plan to clean yourself up?"

"This place is a natural Kleenex.", said Eric, snapping off the branch of a nearby bush. Wiping himself down, he tossed the branch away and ripped some long grass from the ground.

Finishing his half-assed cleanup job, he started to take his big steps towards the bridge again.

"Onward.", said Eric. "We probably wasted about ten steps doing that."

"Oh no...", said Jane sarcastically. "We're at, what, 70 now?"

"'Bout.", said Eric. "But onward anyhow."

They wandered off around the maze that was the safari zone. Eventually, they found several Pokemon, whipped more rocks at them, Jane actually managed to catch one couple before it fled. Two safari balls later, she was up one Kangaskhan, which she didn't bother to rename, as she planned not to use it. Upon further wandering (around step 350), they wandered into a darkened area. To top it all off, they managed to stumble across TM 40, which was skull bash. This TM seemed to delight Eric, and since Jane found it first, Eric traded two ultraballs and a couple super potions for it. Onward they wandered, further into the safari.

"Freaky.", said Eric, still mumbling numbers in his head. "Wonder what's here."

"Something shiny anyway.", said Jane, pointing to something up ahead.

"Damnit!", said Eric. "You always find the good stuff."

"Not so much this time.", said Jane, picking up a pair of gold, false teeth by the tips of her fingers.

"Damn, you could get a good couple bucks for that much gold.", said Eric.

"That, or they're just yellow from use.", said Jane, dropping it into her backpack.

"In either case...", began Eric, "I see a house kinda thing up ahead."

Entering the house, a man inside ran up towards them.

"CONGRADULATIONS!", said the man.

"AHHH!", shouted Eric, jumping back startled. "Don't fucking do that!"

"Do you know where you are?", asked the man.

"On step 367?", said Eric, stepping forward one large step.

"No, you just won a rare HM!", said the man, enthusiastically.

"SWEET!", said Eric. "Which one?"

"Surf!", said the man. "It teaches your Pokemon to take you over the water."

"Sweet shit.", said Eric, taking the HM. "It any good otherwise?"

"It's an excellent attack!", said the man, even more enthusiastically.

"Damn man, calm down a bit.", said Jane. "You're going to have a heart attack."

"It's just that I haven't seen any people for about a month now.", said the man.

"Ech.", said Eric. "How much are they paying you?"

"Oh, I don't get paid.", said the man. "I volunteered to go out here. Talking to myself is all the company I need."

"Ok then.", said Eric, backing out (with large steps, of course). "Have a nice day."

"Please stay and be my friend.", said the man. "It's nice out here. I can be your friend, and you can be my friend."

"I'll pass.", said Eric, backing completely out of the building quickly. They jogged a bit away from the house, hearing a deep, loud sobbing come from inside as they left.

"That was fucked up.", said Eric.

"Yeah, yeah, crack that HM open.", said Jane. "I've got just the Pokemon for it."

"Sure!", said Eric. "This sucker can be used over and over, but once he's learned it, it's permanently pressed into the little fella's brain."

"Don't worry.", said Jane, pulling out Tsunami. She took the HM and clamped it overtop of the pokeball. It shimmered a moment, then popped the HM off again. Handing it back to Eric, she released Tsunami.

"LAP!", said Tsunami, landing on the ground.

"Oops.", said Jane. "Crawl over to that pond over there Tsunami."

"Lapra.", said Tsunami, dragging himself over to the pond. Upon sliding into the water, it motioned its head for them to climb onto it.

"Sweet.", said Jane, hopping on.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do, swim?", asked Eric.

"Crawl on too.", said Jane. "Plenty of room."

Crawling on, Tsunami took off for the other side. Quite fast I might add, what with the big flippers and all.

"Kick ass.", said Eric as Tsunami slid onto the bank of the other side.

Hearing the commotion, a Venonat crawled next to Tsunami, looking up in wonder.

"MINE!", shouted Eric, simply grabbing the Venonat by the fur on its back.

"VEN!", shouted the Venonat, scratching his arm.

"I must be very scratchable today.", said Eric, slamming the Venonat into the ground. It simply shook its head and tried to swipe at Eric's face.

"Bitch.", said Eric, plunging the little guy under the surface of the water. It began to struggle violently.

"Oh, that's pleasant.", said Jane, climbing off of Tsunami.

"I don't like Pokemon that attack me.", said Eric, plunging his other hand into the water around to the front of the Venonat. Squeezing its stomach, the Venonat seemed to scream underwater, blowing out all of the air in its lungs. Instantly, it began to thrash around worse than ever. Eric merely held it by the fur on its back still, keeping it underwater. Despite it's attempts, it couldn't scratch Eric's arm from that position.

"Damnit.", said Eric. "Cold water over scratches kinda stings."

"You deserve it.", said Jane, pulling Tsunami into his pokeball. "It's not like you're being very friendly to it."

"The only purpose of a Pokemon in my possession is to aid me, and trust me.", said Eric. "This little fuck decided to take another route."

At that, he plunged his other arm back into the water. Sliding his free hand over the Venonat's head, he drove three of his fingers into one of the Venonat's eye sockets. The water instantly got red, spreading from the Venonat's location.

"What the hell did you do?", asked Jane, looking at the water.

"Taught a valuable lesson to any other Pokemon watching this.", replied Eric, shoving his hand deeper into the socket. Brain matter spurted between his fingers and into the water. Much of it floated to the surface, spreading away from the thrashing Venonat.

"Ech.", said Jane, turning away from the mess.

"You've done worse.", said Eric.

"Only to that which is evil.", said Jane. "This thing was just curious."

At that, Eric pulled his free hand from the water again, pink shreds of brain dangling from under his fingernails. He grabbed the Venonat's right arm and pulled it sharply upward, while pushing the body downward with his other hand gripping the Pokemon. A crunch sound was heard, and the arm pulled upward loosely. The Venonat quickly began to slow down its movement at this point.

"Bugger.", said Eric, placing his knee into the water overtop of the Venonat. With that done, he yanked the Venonat's arm upward as hard as he humanly could. A loud tear was heard, much like the sound of ripping a piece of leather in two. The Venonat's arm tore free of the Pokemon, pouring even more blood into the water. By this time, the entire pool was a reddish colour.

Several moments later, the Venonat went dead still. Finally, it thrashed about once more, and went still again. Eric held it underwater for another ten seconds, then pulled it out.

"Bitch is kinda heavy when all that fur is soaked.", said Eric, tossing it into the water again, where it bobbed on the surface.

"I'm sure you wouldn't be much lighter if all your clothes were drenched either.", said Jane. "You done here?"

"Yeah, yeah...", said Eric, tossing the Venonat's arm to the side near the bushes. At that, a Tauros wandered over to the arm, sniffed it, and began to eat its remains. ***

"Sweet.", whispered Eric, pulling out a safari ball. Tossing it towards the Tauros, it pulled the Tauros inside, whom instantly broke out. It began to take off, but sniffed at the arm again and began to eat, warily watching Eric.

"Nuts to this.", said Eric, pulling out the remaining 15 safari balls. "I'm going for broke."

"I think that's against the law.", said Jane.

"Tough.", said Eric, heaving them all towards the Tauros. As one pulled him in, he instantly broke free, but as it tried to run, another one pulled him in. This continued for about ten more safari balls, before safari ball number thirteen finally kept him inside. The ball pinged its capture, and lay still. ****

"Sweet.", said Eric, picking up the pokeball, as well as the two remaining safari balls. Suddenly, the word 'Sweet' appeared over the tiny screen with a question mark after it.

"No!", said Eric, annoyed. The screen changed again, this time showing 'No', with a question mark after it. Thinking silently, Eric thought of the perfect name.

"Stampede.", said Eric. The word appeared on the screen, and Eric pushed the button on the top. It accepted the name, and Eric stuffed the pokeball into his backpack.

"Nice name.", said Jane. "Surprised you didn't kill him for suggesting 'sweet'."

"He's awesome looking.", said Eric. "One day, he will lay waste to mine enemies."

"I'll bet.", said Jane. "Hey, what step are we on?"

"Damnit, I lost count.", said Eric. "Somewhere a bit above four hundred. I kinda stumbled around here for a bit."

"What say we split for the pokecenter?", asked Jane. "It's getting late."

"Good plan.", said Eric. "Which way is that?"

"Oh fuck.", said Jane, looking at the trees around her. "That ain't good."

"I know a good way.", said Eric, jogging in place. Shortly afterward, a large man came running from the south.

"You've had enough fun.", said the man.

"Clyde I presume?", asked Eric.

"You presume right.", said Clyde, grabbing Eric's arm.

"You can stay if you want.", said Clyde, looking at Jane.

"Fuck that.", said Jane. "I'll never find my way back."

"Ok, then you'll be returning the safari balls then?", asked Clyde.

"Piss on that.", said Jane, grabbing all of the safari balls from her bag. Before Clyde could move, she dumped them all into the pond.

"And you say I'm not nice.", said Eric.

"I paid good money for those, and if I can't get that money back, noone can.", said Jane, going back to Clyde.

"I don't give a fuck.", said Clyde, grabbing her arm too. "Back you guys go."

They walked for about five minutes before they eventually reached the opening gates. Upon being forcibly tossed out, they headed back to the pokecenter for another night. Eric boggled over how to rampage the gym tomorrow, while Jane opened up Tsunami to slide himself around the room. After healing up their Pokemon (and depositing the Kangaskhan, which was next to useless), they headed upstairs for the night. Little did they know that Kris was currently headed straight towards Pallet town, after having told noone of what he knew. However, soon enough, it would be known.

* : At least I'm pretty sure it's 500. That or 50. In either case... it all works.

** : Hey... they've got big eyes. That seems pretty damn possible to me.

*** : A nice source of bait if you ask me...

**** : Well hell, that's what I'd do if I could. He can't escape 'em all.

Will the duo get arrested? Will Jane teach Tsunami to become a lean (read fat), mean (read pleasant) killing machine (that part's right)? Why must cats always ignore you when you try to call, and want to be petted when you're doing shit? Will Team Ricochet finally get back at the duo in question? Will this gym once again best Eric's Pokemon?

Answers to... several of these... in the coming chapters, which there appears to not be too many of, seeing as we're nearing the end of the game. Course, there's still Cinnibar, not to mention the Elite Four, which will be fucking awesome... believe you me.

Kabutroid